Across the Spider-Verse | 1-minute review (part 1/2)

Part 2: https://youtube.com/shorts/AK-_vrExlbY

FULL REVIEW here: https://youtube.com/live/p3Nfg14Q5T0

Follow along as RANKED reviews a new movie release every week of 2023, slowly compiling the best films of the year into our sacred hierarchical list.
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Previous Episode 2023 RANKED List:
1. Beau Is Afraid
2. Infinity Pool
3. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
4. John Wick: Chapter 4
5. Tetris
6. Air
7. Creed III
8. Fast X
9. Shazam! Fury of the Gods
10. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
11. M3GAN
12. missing
13. The Machine
14. Scream VI
15. The Super Mario Bros. Movie
16. Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania
17. Renfield
18. Evil Dead Rise
19. The Pope’s Exorcist
20. Magic Mike’s Last Dance
21. Knock at the Cabin
22. Plane
23. Cocaine Bear
24. Knights of the Zodiac

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse welcomes us back to the whole multiverse thing where Marvel lives now and forever where nothing matters because there are an infinite amount of yous and everyone else so nothing is special and nobody stays dead and everything is more confusing than ever. Miles Morales, this series’ primary Spider-Individual at one point even says, “Hey I’m Spider-Man” and another Spider-Being shrugs it off as if it means nothing, and that’s where we are now, stuck in this weird post-modern nihilistic hell-verse.

It was cute in the first movie because it only had a little taste of this, and was otherwise anchored to our universe while being a fresh and fun origin coming of age finding his confidence story for Miles with a straight-forward plot that made the other oddball Spider-Variants fun because we had a good time learning their vaguely similar backstories and then it was all about getting them back to their respective universes, but this sequel is nothing BUT alternate Spider-Life Forms going all “Time Variance Authority” like Loki where it’s all about preventing the Spider-Verse from having any anomalies or something, and yet there are plenty of Spider-Persons we meet that are an anomaly. Gwen Stacy as Spider-Woman for example, shouldn’t she be Patricia Parker or something? Shouldn’t the spider that bit her have bit her Peter? I don’t have a problem with her, but apparently the head Spider-Boss Miguel O’Hara should.

His whole thing is vaguely about stopping stuff that was never meant to be, but how can things never have been meant to be if they already happened? Does this guy not understand cause and effect or free will? Does he have supreme God-like knowledge of everything that will be or should ever have been? But no, somehow anomalies cause damage or something and will destroy existence as we know it unless everyone’s father figure dies. I just don’t understand the point of all of this. The animation may be incredible and I certainly admire the hell out of it, but I need me some story to give a crap. Needless to say, I much prefer the original on this one.

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