Navigating Parental Divorce: Guidance for Adult Children

Consider listening to the following sermons exposited from the Scriptures that will help to further inform and guide you in your conversations on these issues:

The First Attack on God's Design: https://youtu.be/EawfTtrMkVU
The Anchor for the Christian Family: https://youtu.be/I1ujBXM_czg
Generational Instruction: https://youtu.be/2Maf8B1bfJY
Foundational Matters for Healthy Marriages: https://youtu.be/MCF3J6ql11Q
The Love that Endures - Part 1: https://youtu.be/XIWBgxtG8bQ
The Love that Endures - Part 2: https://youtu.be/iA0Ct9OaSdo
The Correction of God's Children - Part 1: https://youtu.be/vr95gDXKUmA
The Correction of God's Children - Part 2: https://youtu.be/tyYWm39i-YU
The Correction of God's Children - Part 3: https://youtu.be/0C_vCdW0qHc

This week on the Straight Truth Podcast, we have someone who asks what can an adult child do when their parents are going through marital difficulties and are possibly pursuing a divorce. How can adult children of professing Christian parents speak into their lives as they see these things taking place? Can children go to their parents and bring the Scriptures to bear upon their quarrels and troubles, imploring them to hear and obey? Can we involve others in our desire to see our parents remain married? What can we say and do as we seek to honor and respect our parents in their roles while yet pointing out the error of their ways? Join us to hear this conversation as Dr. Josh Philpot and Dr. Richard Caldwell aim to give biblical advice for how adult children can respectfully speak and appeal to their parents when they see that relationship breaking apart, along with suggesting other possible avenues of calling them to reconcile.

The Lord hates divorce. This is factually clear from Malachi 2:16, when God says, ‘For I hate divorce.’. In Matthew 19, we read of the Pharisees coming to Jesus with questions about divorce. Instead of answering their question about divorce, He first reminds them of the permanence of marriage that God has intended from the beginning. So, Dr. Caldwell says if the parents claim to be believers, you can appeal to them with Scriptures, showing them that their pursuit of divorce is sinful. The Bible is also clear that there are limited grounds for divorce. There’s debate in the church about what those grounds actually are. But one thing that's undebatable is, apart from those reasons, divorce is sinful. So if there's been no sexual immorality and no abandonment taking place in the marriage, then whatever it is that’s dividing these two people, it needs to be confessed as sin, forgiven, and their marriage needs to be maintained. You can go to your parents with this. You can have conversations with them about marriage, reminding them of the overall teaching in the Scriptures about marriage, and talk with them about the sinfulness of what they are pursuing.

If you have siblings, reach out to them, and get them involved, especially if they are believers. Ask them to come alongside you on the issue, to help you to talk with them, and appeal to your parents to do what is right, that which will bring honor and glory to God regarding their circumstances. If they still won’t listen to you, and your parents are part of a healthy church, reach out to the leadership of that church. If they aren’t already aware of these things, make sure they know what is going on with your parents and what steps you’ve taken to appeal to them. Ask them to engage with your family.

You may very well have some hesitancy and experience anxiety about confronting your parents about sin issues. This is to be expected, as they are your parents, and you are commanded to honor and respect them. But the beauty and wonder of the Christian life is that when the Lord saves us, we become part of His family; we are His children. So even though your parents are your parents, if they are saved, and you are saved, you are brothers and sisters in the Lord. And the Scriptures tell us that if we see a brother in sin, hurting himself or others, we are to go to them and confront them. This is true whether it’s your parents or even one of your immediate siblings in sin. We can't let family relationships get in the way of our God-given responsibilities.

Dr. Philpot asks Dr. Caldwell about how adult children can help navigate those parents who are widows and widowers that want to get married again. Would it be a similar approach? Should those children and their siblings, if any, just appeal to the Scriptures and call their parents to be faithful? Should they consult with that parent's church if they aren’t part of theirs?

Dr. Caldwell shares that you want to recognize and empathize with your parent's loneliness. Additionally, you need to recognize they are not sinning if they decide to get married. The Scriptures make it clear that when a spouse dies, whether it's the husband or the wife that remains living, they are free to marry.