struggles, with god and fear and trembling (read description)

"sorry daddy I've been a bad boy"
"for the last time it's forgive me father for I have sinned"
the seagulls "laughed" right after I mentioned hearing voices still requiring bible study to know god's will, that's an example of what I mean by synchronicity, in this case god is laughing at my own apparent schizophrenia and craziness but also his own possible giving of signs through external experiences (it's an example of how synchronicity works)