O "oaie neagra"?/ A "black sheep"? #01

Romana:

Cu totii stim fraza: "Oaia neagra a...". Stim ce inseamna. O persoana care nu respecta imaginea "ideala" stabilita de cei din jurul ei: in societate, familie, scoala etc. Sunt convinsa ca multe persoane se regasesc in pozitia aceasta la fel ca si mine. Eu sunt o "oaie neagra" in ochii societatii si o spun cu incredere si recunostiinta pentru aceasta "eticheta" a lor.
Pentru o perioada din viata mea, m-am simtit ca un intrus. Nu reuseam sa imi gasesc locul si nu reuseam sa tin pasul cu subiectele "la moda" de interes a celor din jurul meu. Muzica, filmele, moda, politica sunt cateva din subiectele care erau peste tot, dar niciodata nu reuseam sa imi pastrez interesul asupra lor pentru o perioada lunga de timp. Acest lucru m-a facut sa cred pentru o perioada ca este ceva neinregula cu mine deoarece interesele mele erau total diferite. Dar, in acelasi timp, in sinea mea era o continua contradictie. Pe de o parte ma simteam trista ca nu sunt "in rand" cu ceilalti, dar pe de alta parte, imi placea sa fiu in "lumea mea", cu interesele care ma faceau fericita si care ma faceau sa ma simt unica. Recunosc, inca mai lucrez la partea asta, dar sunt din ce in ce mai rare momentele in care ma gandesc cum ar fi in tabara "oilor albe". Si la sfarsitul zilei sunt recunoscatoare pentru cine sunt si pentru unicitatea mea si nu ma voi schimba pentru nimic si nimeni.
As minti daca as spune ca nu am cazut si eu in capcane. "Imbraca-te asa", "Comporta-te asa", "Nu spune asta. Spune ce spun eu", "Asculta asta", "Crezi ceea ce vreau eu sa crezi". Au fost momente in care am crezut ca trebuie sa renunt la cine sunt Eu ca sa pot supravietui in lumea asta. Dar, in adancul meu, stiam adevarul. Poate ca nu stiam inca cine sunt, dar stiam ceea ce nu sunt. O alta clona a societatii. Chiar si acum sunt pe calea redescoperirii adevaratului Eu. Si un lucru este clar: Eu nu sunt ei si nu sunt marioneta lor. Eu sunt Eu, o fiinta spirituala cu interesele mele si cu un scop maret. Nu ma voi intoarce niciodata in capcana lor.
Planuiesc sa fac o serie "Oaia neagra", in care voi povestii mai detaliat trairile mele in interiorul acelor capcane si lucrurile pe care le-am realizat acum, privind din exteriorul lor, dar si alte momente care m-au facut sa realizez ca in jurul meu se petrec lucruri mult mai misterioase si marete decat ceea ce ni s-a spus. Aceasta serie are ca scop sa ajute alte suflete care la randul lor se simt ca nu isi gasesc locul in societatea actuala. Sa realizeze ca unicitatea lor este un Dar si nimeni nu are puterea sa il ia decat daca este lasat. Sunt sanse ca experientele mele sa rezoneze cu sufletele potrivite la fel cum si eu am rezonat cu alte suflete a caror trairi m-au ajutat la randul meu in aceast calatorie spirituala.
Seria aceasta nu o sa aiba un program fix de postare. Prefer sa las subiectele sa se scrie singure si sa vina la momentele potrivite. La fel ca arta si inspiratia, acestea nu pot fi fortate, iar daca vreau sa transmit adevaratele emotii din partea mea, acestea nu trebuiesc fortate sau programate. Fiecare postare o sa fie o surpriza chiar si pentru mine.
Dar o sa va las aceasta intrebare pana atunci: Oare Noi suntem cu adevarat "oi negre" sau suntem ceva mult mai mult decat atat? ~BlueStar Dolphin

English:

We all know the phrase: "The black sheep of...". We know what it means. A person who does not respect the "ideal" image established by those around them: in society, family, school, etc. I am convinced that many people find themselves in this position, just like me. I am a "black sheep" in the eyes of society and I say it with confidence and gratitude for this "label" of theirs.
For a period of my life, I felt like an intruder. I couldn't find my place and I couldn't keep up with the "trendy" topics of interest of those around me. Music, movies, fashion, politics are some of the subjects that were everywhere, but I never managed to keep my interest in them for a long period of time. This made me think for a while that there was something wrong with me because my interests were totally different. But, at the same time, there was a constant contradiction in me. On the one hand, I felt sad that I wasn't "in line" with the others, but on the other hand, I liked being in "my world", with the interests that made me happy and that made me feel unique. I admit, I'm still working on this part, but the moments when I think about what it would be like to be in the "white sheep" camp are rarer and rarer. And at the end of the day, I am grateful for who I am and for my uniqueness and I will not change for anything or anyone.
I would be lying if I said I didn't fall into traps myself. "Dress like this", "Behave like this", "Don't say that. Say what I say", "Listen to this", "Believe what I want you to believe". There were moments when I thought I had to give up who I am in order to survive in this world. But, deep down, I knew the truth. Maybe I didn't know who I was yet, but I knew what I wasn't. Another clone of society. Even now I am on the path of rediscovering the true Me. And one thing is clear: I am NOT them and I am NOT their puppet. I am Me, a spiritual being with my interests and a great purpose. I will never return to their trap.
I plan to make a "Black Sheep" series, in which I will tell in more detail my experiences inside those traps and the things I have realized now, looking from the outside, but also other moments that made me realize that there are things happening around me much more mysterious and greater than what we were told. This series aims to help other souls who, in their turn, feel that they do not find their place in today's society. To realize that their uniqueness is a gift and no one has the power to take it unless they are allowed to. There are chances that my experiences will resonate with the right souls, just as I have resonated with other souls whose stories have helped me in this spiritual journey.
This series will not have a fixed posting schedule. I prefer to let the topics write themselves and come at the right times. Just like art and inspiration, they cannot be forced, and if I want to convey my true emotions, they must not be forced or programmed. Every post will be a surprise even for me.
But I'll leave you with this question until then: Are we really "black sheeps" or are we something much more than that? ~BlueStar Dolphin