Chris Rock is performing a standup gig tonight in Boston #chrisrock #willsmith

Chris Rock is performing a standup gig tonight in Boston—his first appearance since the Oscars. If you were Chris, what would be the first joke you’d tell, assuming you’d want to acknowledge Will Smith’s slap?
Walk out, wait for applause to die down, then:“Don’t get any ideas, none of you motherflockers are famous.â€
“Apparently Will’s relationship is open to anything but jokesâ€
Maybe just a list of the comebacks that went through his head, but were withheld at the time? Like my favorite one, "Don't worry, this is the Oscars. You don't have to worry about anyone up on this stage saying your wife's name."
“he really deserved the award for best actor, because after watching the movie Ali, I thought he actually knew how to throw a punch.â€
You know how you can tell that slap wasn't staged?Will didn't make the studio give Jaden a role.
To get started are there any insecure couples in the front row?
Rif off of Pee Wee Herman’s opening remarks at MTV awards after he was arrested for masturbating I public.“ Seen any good TV lately?â€
I was at the Comedy Cellar which based on the timing must have been one of the first times Michelle Wolf performed after the White House correspondents dinner. She said something like “I’m Michelle, and I never thought I’d say this but you probably know me from Fox News.â€
Some one said he should get a helmet and a neck support. I think this would’ve been the first part of the joke and than he should’ve said : I brought this because my next joke is about Shaquille O’Neals wife.Edit : WOW this blew up ! Thank you so much for the awards !
"So, I fired one of my joke writers Monday..."
"I feel like a joke about Will Smith would just be cheating at this point, but I guess that's never bothered him before..."
Chris in these comments taking notes
Just look out at the audience, squinting a bit in the lights as you scan the crowd carefully, until the laughter starts, then just start the act without mentioning it at all.But I hope he has bodyguards, as some idiot might try to rush the stage.
“Now before we start, does anyone here have a wife with a medical condition that I need to be aware of†.
"So. I guess you've all heard that GI Jane 2 probably isn't happening."
"Well after my busy schedule of producing Will's biggest hit in years, I was able to make it here tonight."
"So how many of you got your tickets in the last 3 days?"
Entering the stage wearing a neck support..
Come out wearing a helmet and with two bodyguards by his side
I'd be like "y'all are NEVER gonna guess what happened to ME the other day...."
Publicly thank Will Smith for all the extra ticket sales
This reminds me of Pee Wee Herman's first show after getting out of jail for allegedly masturbating in a theater. He walked out and shouted, "Heard any good jokes lately!?"Chris Rock will either make one joke about it and move on like Pee Wee did, or he could make his entire act nothing but jokes about Will Smith's wife. I think everyone's hoping for the latter.
When they asked if I wanted to be an Oscar host I didn't know they meant De La Hoya.
I think you all might be tired of watching my face. It has been slapped all over the news lately.
I'm hearing all these great suggestions with CR's voice in my head.
F*** it, i would call my whole tour "So Will Smith just slapped me at the Oscars" and travel from city to city with it.
"I'm gonna open with some alopecia jokes."And then two huge body guards walk out and stand on either side of him.
"Ya know what I heard about Jada Pinckett Smith?"Long pause, as he looks nervously around the room."Not a damn thing!"
"I was gonna say something about Will and Jada, but decided to wait until August"
If i were him i would acknowledge Questlove and his documentary's win. I asked all my friends who won the oscar that Rock was about to hand out before the slap and no one knew. Its really sad how after all that time and work they put into Summer of Soul and all anyone is talking about is the slap
"Hey, everybody! Now, THIS is a story all about how..."
If I knew Will was gonna get so mad about my making fun of his wife, I would've asked one of her boyfriends for permission first
"He slapped me so hard you would've thought I slept with his wife."
"Hey all, I'm here from Will Smith's first real hit in years."
It would be funny if he flinched when the clapping starts....
“I thank the lord for will smith, that man made me think twice about my Alec Baldwin jokesâ€
I'd walk to the edge of the stage and walk alongside it, then say "Good, no stairs coming up here. I've got time to run if one of you decides to get out of your seats."