'Ten years ago today, We saw Our face on the news for #Murder' (4-13-13) w/ #DaamnKam of @DaamnTalk

Daamn... so much has transpired since dropping those initial bars at a little known coffee-roast'n-cabin on Whidbey Island, Washington. (A decade will do that.) Most notably from that very first performance was a middle-aged, rather large & jolly fellow krammed in amongst the masses, (he was probably one of maybe eight or nine bodies barely filling the partially outdoor 'sound-garden.') That man later went on to become Our sponsor & aided Us in Our hectic life, a foreign life outside the realms of drugs & alcohol. His name is J. Klob & he devoted an amount of acceptance for Us that only another addict can. We worked the steps of AA together, eventually getting Us to step 7 for the first time. We became brothers & his influence spanned beyond the sofas of the AA halls or the under-crowded masses at one of Our local shows.
The irony doesn't escape Us; seemingly acquiring the nerve to do a set in front of utter strangers & attempt to consciously 'Rap' the house, only after shedding Our perceived 'cure' to 'life on life's terms.' In retrospect, We may have only been sober for half of the performances throughout Our short 'career'. That feeling like your performing better while hyped up on your 'DOC' is uni-powerful! Forgetting lines or not, regardless of getting intimate with the stage, those drugs kept a hold on Us as strong as the music did... Eventually... arguably even stronger...
April 13th, 2013 We put down liquor & picked up a mic. In another timeline that would have been it; Our proud sobriety date & rather than wrapping this into present reality - We'd be 'Rapping on a decade of 'Recovery.
In this universe, even though We may or may not have '4-13' tatted on Our chest, in March of 2015 We traded Our date in yet again. Not before We rocked a solid life of Recovery for nearly two years. From 2013, having just turned 21, (irony), We were figuring out who Kam is without drugs, (alcohol is a drug.) Unknowingly building a foundation for future reference, We brought that practice only weeks into Our 23rd year. Relapse isn't a part of every addicts journey, but it was, (not is), a part of Our Recovery.
We didn't quit rapping after this, quite contrary. We didn't lose everything We learned in Recovery as an immediate consequence of Relapse... The drowning out of those principals happened slowly, over time spent away from Our Program. It was, in hindsight no different with music. The 'flow' & drive went away when We stopped writing & recording & began audio engineering school, turning Our occuPassion into an occupation. We continued producing tracks into Our 26th year of life, having dropped the song We're most proud of at 25. Our music changed as Our experience did & active addiction is undebatably an experience like none other. Sheer Chaos.
Institutions, Jails & Death. Well, no death, (yet!) Plenty of all else was bountifully overfilling my stress-cup. The lifestyle of one who is so addicted to painkillers that they can't manage getting off of them without getting sick severely enough to warrant Wish of *Death. Continually working an 8-hour day & owing money at the end due to how much We used that day. It's quite difficult to keep up the music when Our disease had Us by the fingertips & vocal cords. Hell, even Our job collapsed under the weight of addiction.
... ... ... Is there really Hope for ALL of Us addicts(?) ... ... ...
‘When the student is ready - the teacher will appear’.
Depending on where our recovery’s at, we’ll begin to view obstacles & confrontation in a whole new light. ‘Blessed’ with the discovery that our ‘*spiritual condition’ is far from where we want it to be, each situation that arises in *long-term-recovery can be seen as an obstacle -or- as an opportunity to implement a new technique.

For the few who’ve found a new outlook on life & for the few-er who’ve adopted a new way of living, Acceptance was the answer if ‘how to begin’ was the question. ACCEPTANCE.
This is universal; familiar with 'expectancy' & expectations, we were well versed in ‘exceptions’, just not ‘acceptance’. ‘Except’… we could not come to ‘accept’ that active addiction was to be Our fate.
It is when We make this supple, yet savage distinction,
that We establish what is the first *necessary component.
Desire. A desire to change.
That DESIRE, accompanied by
the gift of extreme desperation,
is what finally led nearly every single
one of us to the turning point,
*WILLINGNESS!!!!! ' -DaamnKam
~ Join Us @ thatDaamnTalkspot.locals.com