Holy. What does that even mean?

Holy.
What does that even mean?
Set apart?
Clean?
Spirit living unseen?

You are Holy.
I know that it sounds contrite
to say that words can't describe
but it's true.

How does one begin to describe?
Awesome? True?
... don't hold a candle to You.
Powerful? Really??
Have we ever seen power?

Other than every hour.
Sun comes up.
Sun goes down.
The world keeps going around.
We have air in our lungs.
Have I even begun
to glorify You?

Every word that I rhyme
every thought in my mind
it's all You gave me.
So now what will I do?
Construct something for You?
You built me!

Surely You must see
the utter futility
of trying to repay You,
or impress You,
or glorify You.

It's like the harder I try
to You glorify
to me crucify
to self to deny
The more it hurts when I fall
short of Your glory.

And that's my story
over and over again
trying to be your best friend
trying to be your best prophet
trying to prove that I'm worth it
trying to be
worthy
of You

I can't do what You require
I can't set my [own] heart on fire
I cannot perfect be.
I don't know how to just be me!

So how can You?
You are beyond comprehension
worth so much more than a mention.
What is my apprehension
to letting go?

To let Your love flow.
What's that mean?
To let You shine through me?
To let me only You see?

What can I do
to glorify You?
to worship Your name
to remember the shame
You bear
when they beat You savagely
when the whips tore the skin
off Your back?
when they spit in the wounds on Your head?
When they punched You
and mocked You?
sneered and jeered at You?

and You created them!

and they told You to prophesy
and You knew!
You knew exactly who hit You!
You know his name.
You know his kids.
You know that his wife likes to knit
late on Sundays.
And You stayed silent!
You said not a word
to defend Yourself
from accusations absurd.

You are The Son of God!
Snap Your fingers,
they're gone,
but You just took it.
Acted like nothing was wrong

and there wasn't!
except life shattering pain,
humiliation
like your life is a game
and has no value.

You

The MVP of the Universe
accepted every curse
stayed when it got even worse

They nailed You to a tree.
It should have been me.
That sounds so cliche.
But it should.

Because I was the one
who was dirty,
and mean,
and selfish,
obscene,
seeking darkness,
unclean,
hurting others
trying to feed
'something in me
that I hated
and that hated me.
But I followed it,
and I let it be my god,
and it destroyed me
with the power
that I gave to it.
I forsook You.
I could not do
what I needed to
to be Yours.

So yeah,
I'm the one
that's worthy of death,
to be beaten,
and spit on,
and mocked relentless,
and I guess
there's nothing I can do best
to make it right.

It's not a fight,
it's a slaughter.
You win.
You could take me apart
atom by atom
if you wanted to,
if You were bored,
if You felt like being fair.

I'm so incredibly thankful
that it's not fair.
I never had a chance
'till You stepped in
and [became] my sin
and died.