a phD in consistency *ag standup @ tk2

some other comic called me a stray cat and then said it was weird i was conservative since i have an NPR voice (they didn't even know that i meow at everyone!)
i love how all you see is my dress
fuck the police, so true!
kelsey is the most long-winded person i've ever met (these mics are twice as long cos he is the host and has to comment on everything but he is the host so he can do whatever he wants)
you don't have to acknowledge my level of geniusness
i really shoulda listened to that crazy bitch, everyone is gonna say eventually
self-destructing by the nano second (society)
fight suicidal urges and you, too, can do stand up
suicide: the only success story that can't be cancelled
so many are dead already so what's the point in continuing on
killing yourself in an altruistic way is brilliant, damnit
i think it's funny you don't have to
do yawl hear ronnit laughing
jay walking vs gay running (society)
i feel like i'm in my eight hundreds
that's the first time i've ever seen anybody _______
that was the right reaction
i bet we're right about this person...
we always get their prescriptions right
shit talking is a past time at a restaurant
that's the sound of shit-walking
self-awareness will never trend
crapple juice, fuck honest kids
appley ever after is bullshit
a pitbull that only bites people's hands off *NO MORE PHONES
aliens are always here, man
i'm embarrassed to be human, don't count me as one of them
can't see the forest for the trees if you don't smoke weed
racial stereotypes are funny cos they are mostly true
liberal lunatic comedy clubs or whatever
conservatives need to smoke weed sometimes to stop trusting cops
empathy and politics don't mix more facts
JC$ street name for Jesus
you'll have a whole eternity to get that joke
purposely became an alcoholic in college
shaved my head n refused to shave anything else
rehab: a success story
back when i was on the internet the way that everyone else is on the internet i had a myspace
"we gon keep this mf goin" CLASSIC kelsey