JUSTIN CASTRO!!! REALLY

In the age of sloppy journalism, few authors are sloppier than those who claim they ‘debunked’ the story that Fidel Castro is Justin Trudeau’s biological father. They recite the Canadian governments’ official travel dates to Cuba and painfully avoid the Trudeaus’ extensive personal trip to the Caribbean trip in Spring 1971. It is a fact the Trudeaus were in the Caribbean in Spring 1971. It is a fact they adored Castro. It is a fact the Trudeaus were swingers. This is what you need to know.

First, Margaret Trudeau, Pierre Trudeau, and Fidel Castro were all notoriously sexually promiscuous. Margaret Trudeau was a partier who unquestionably had sex with men while married to Pierre. Nobody knows if Pierre objected. They met when he was 48 and she was 18. They got married when he was 53 and she was 23. Their marriage surprised Canada because Pierre had been a lifelong playboy with no wife or children. He would be turning 60 when she was barely out of her 20’s. She publicly states today she suffered from bipolar disorder and self-control issues. She smuggled drugs in the Prime Minister’s official government luggage. She sneaked away from official functions to get high. She partied scantily clad at Studio 54. She became embroiled in a scandal for having sex with Ted Kennedy (gross). According to Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones, Pierre broke up with her while she was having an affair with Ronnie Wood. The list goes on.

Pierre Trudeau slept around too. According to a 2009 Globe and Mail article by Margaret Wente, actress Margot Kidder (Superman, Superman II), classical guitarist Liona Boyd, and actress Kim Cattrall all claimed to have slept with him at some time. Pierre Trudeau biographer John English states the “evidence is overwhelming” that he slept with Barbara Streisand. The record is not immediately clear how much of that happened before the couple was separated, but before she moved out of the house he was entertaining three women downstairs at a time:

He often invited two girlfriends to the same event. Allan Gotlieb, his ambassador to Washington, complained about one dinner he hosted for Mr. Trudeau because he had three girlfriends there…he carried on downstairs even though Margaret [while separated] was still in residence upstairs.

Fidel Castro put them both to shame. His sexual appetite was so legendary this article cannot efficiently capture it. Suffice it to say, he endeavored to have sex with two new women every day and sent aides to fetch them. He fathered 11 acknowledged children and rumors are he has multiple times that many bastards.

Second, the Trudeaus adored Castro. They, their aides and friends all said so. According to John English’s “Just Watch Me: The Life of Pierre Elliot Trudeau 1968–2000” they were charmed by Castro and made several trips to embargo-era Cuba just to see him. In 2000, Castro made a rare appearance out of Cuba to attend Pierre’s funeral in Canada. On his visit, Margaret welcomed the leader at his hotel on behalf of the Trudeaus. They demonstrated a striking level of familiarity before even getting off the tarmac of their 1976 trip. They all took photographs together. The Trudeaus introduced Castro to their children. And when Castro died, Justin Trudeau was the only leader of the Western World to give him an overwhelmingly positive eulogy without addressing his misdeeds.