People Seem to Forget Me (Am I a Gray Man?)

It seems that I’m not very memorable. People easily forget who I am. Does that make me a grey man? “Grey man (noun): An average, forgettable man who does not draw attention or stand out in a crowd.” Two things happened to me recently that make me think that maybe I am a grey man.

The other day, I bumped into an off-duty police officer. I knew him. We studied together at the police academy in 2008, so like 15 years ago.

I said, “Hey Peter, remember me?”.

He looked a bit older, but it was definitely him. He has a very memorable face and lanky body. He looked at me with a bit of concern on his face. I know why. When somebody approaches a police officer on the street, especially when they’re off-duty, they often have in the back of their mind that it just might be one of the people they’ve arrested over the years, coming to seek revenge. But I knew he’d be thinking that, so I tried to calm him down.

“It’s okay mate, we went to the police academy together.”

He looked at me confused, racking his brain trying to remember who I was. I told him my full name, and he still seemed to have no idea.

“Mate, I was in the room next to you. We’d often go out to Subway for lunch. I was in the room next to Steve Jones.”
He replied, “Sorry mate, I honestly can’t remember who you are.”
“Your girlfriend’s name was Sarah Johnson. She was living in the room opposite. One day you and her went out and you needed some change for the toll road, so I gave you a handful of 20c pieces. Do you remember?”
“I’m really sorry, mate. Everything you’re saying is correct, but I just can’t remember you.”
“I was the vegan who did really well on the obstacle course. I vomited after the run. You were right there at the finish line. You helped me walk to the next station.”
“I vaguely remember somebody vomiting, but it definitely wasn’t you.”

He honestly did not have a clue who I was. By the look on his face, I could tell that he didn’t even believe me. He thought I must have been some kind of charlatan who somehow got all this information covertly and was trying to trick him. He ended up just walking away and said, “Sorry, I don’t have time for this.”

I couldn’t believe it. Everything I told him from 15 years ago, I could remember in vivid detail. It’s like it happened yesterday, at least in my mind. I started thinking, “Is it possible that he didn’t recognise me?” But I’ve got photos from my time in the police, and I pretty much look the same. I don’t know what it was. I know as a police officer he’s probably met so many people over the years, but who hasn’t? Anyway, he actively didn’t remember, even though we were quite friendly in the academy.

The next encounter I had recently was at my current work. Back in 2012, I did some postgraduate study, and in 2022, I just happened to be working in a professional capacity with one of my former teachers. He was the head of school 10 years ago, but isn’t anymore, and just by chance we ended up working in the same course at the same university. All of our communication to date had been via email as we had both been working from home, so he organised a Zoom meeting with me (I assumed to catch up and talk about the course and so on). But when we got online, I started talking to him in a normal, friendly, casual way, and then he seemed a bit surprised and said,

“Do I know you?”.
“What do you mean?”
“The way you’re talking to me, it sounds like you know me.”
“Yeah, you were my teacher back in 2012. I was in your Cybersecurity class.”
“Really, what course number?”
(I told him the course number).
“But that course only started that year.”
“Yeah, that’s right. I remember I did a project on electronic voting systems. You said it was really good.”
“I did?”
“Yeah, you recommended me for the Dean’s commendation. We played badminton together. Remember?”
“No, I don’t even recognise your name! I thought you were new here.”
“Actually, I’ve been working here for about 7 years!”
“Really?”

Anyway, this teacher which I remembered as clear as day had no idea who I was. He just thought I was some new worker. I honestly remember talking to him many times one-to-one. We had lots of in-depth conversations. As I said, we played badminton together a couple of times. I know, as a teacher, he probably meets lots and lots of students, but who doesn’t?

So what’s going on here? Is it that these people just don’t have a very good memory, or perhaps I have an extraordinary memory, or is it that I’m just not very memorable? Am I a grey man?

MUSIC
Allégro by Emmit Fenn