Change

By Alessandro Carosi

We were born with certain personalities that evolved depending on the circumstances that life throwing at us, we can become more aggressive, shy, develop psychological issues, growing up most of us wish to change some aspects of our character we dislike and cursing life for what it did to us, I’m not different then the majority of the world population, life didn’t treat me fairly but it could have been worst, there is something about me I never liked but initially I wasn’t fully conscious then I kept postpone it and now I have to face it, that’s what piss me off, I didn’t chose my weakness and I’m forced to change it too cause life loves to throw at us challenges that will highlight that particular issue at first gently then if we don’t understand punching in the face, change is hard that’s why everyone gives life advice and ready to blame others for their weakness because truth is that to change ourselves is really difficult, stressful, depressive, exhaustive, when we start to think about what we could have been, or with who we could have been if only we would embrace the change earlier in life but everyone has their times, in the last 2 weeks I was in Malta to visit someone of my family that lives there, I thought it would be a happy time playing, laughing, eating and travelling but have been the opposite, I cried, I cried a lot wishing, praying to see a change in what was going on, a change in the people I love but I realised that if so hard for me to change it is for everyone, for someone even harder.

I come back to Edinburgh with so much anger toward life like I didn’t have for so long, I want to help my family but I can’t even help myself and this forced me to reflect of many aspects of my life, at what is happening right now and what I want to be in the future, it stress me so much to think about all of this, what I have to become if the end result is death, it seems so stupid to me, silly, what I have to accomplish in life if the reward will be death ? I don’t know so I will do my best to be happy and fully enjoy the present even if life seems unfair, I have to be aware of my emotions and thoughts, aware to consecrate the NOW, that’s what I want to accomplish at the moment, the day I come back to Edinburgh from Malta I had an appointment at the Thai Buddhist temple where a famous Thai Monk was teaching a meditation method called Vipassana, unfortunately I arrived late but I had time to be blessed by him and left with some important teachings, kneeled in front of him with my knees falling apart and a pain that was becoming unbearable I tried to focus of what he had to say and he was right, we must to control our thoughts and emotions every time if we want to be able to be in the only real moment we have, the present moment, if we don’t we will fail in the most important achievement in life, the true happiness that comes from within and that can be attained only if we are always focused in the present moment.