Mama Kia Has Joy!

When my husband was sick, I poured my soul into taking care of him and making him well. Keeping my family together and keeping him alive were my primary goals. It was my delight to do so, as being a matriarch is my great pleasure. After he transitioned, I felt deep pain. My pastor friends called me and coached me through my pain and gave me "permission" to vent. They are so gracious. Many of them commended me and said, "Daughter, well done." One told me that "God sees your good works and he rewards those who who have fulfilled their purpose." He told me that "God sees all, hears all and rewards the things that we do that others may not see." I felt so honored that the men of God for whom I had so much reverence had reached out to me to encourage me. I have a lot of respect for spiritual leaders and in a world where people disrespect men, I happen to love and reverence them.

Although I knew I had done all that I could to keep my husband alive, I felt defeated, in a way. Could I have done more? I asked myself. Why did he leave us? I struggled with the idea of him being gone. Our lives centered around him, as the patriarch of our family. I loved his role in our lives. Now, he was gone.

One day, I looked at a picture of myself and I didn't recognize who I had become. I had gained weight, my skin had darkened and I had a lot of physical pain. Dealing with hospitals and doctors had taken a lot of my energy.

All of those years, I had maintained my joy, but part of it was because I just knew that we'd get him through his illnesses. When he succumbed to his illnesses, I was so hurt. A lot of people that I knew had transitioned during the pandemic, but now, it had hit very close to home. It was just too much!

One day, my husband visited me in a dream and said, "Kia, I am at peace." Afterwards, I kept having dreams and visions of he and I running through fields of sunflowers, giggling and laughing. Douglas and I had been high school sweethearts who laughed and played like children through the years, so the dreams seemed very real. He kept telling me that everything was okay...that he was fine...and happy and that he wanted me to be happy too. He showed me a glimpse of how he was living on the other side. He seemed to have so much joy! He had no more pain and he could walk!

He let me know that he never left me. He is here with me and he has given me "permission" to live. I know that this makes some people feel uncomfortable, but it fills my soul with JOY!

Yes, I'm enjoying life! Yes, I'm "feeling" myself! And yes, I have renewed zeal and JOY! Since my husband has visited me and comforted me, I have lost weight, I've started dancing again and I've met lots of amazing, new people! More importantly, I have picked up my zeal of journalism and reporting and now more than ever, I feel ALIVE!

Today, was the first day that I have been in a salon since 2009...when my husband got sick, so yes, I feel AMAZING! I feel very honored to have experienced love, sacrifice, commitment and joy. I am grateful that the Almighty gave me strength to keep my commitment of "til death do we part." God is GOOD!

Thank you to everyone who celebrates this season of joy with me! I feel so honored that you have connected with me and allowed me to express my renewed zeal and joyous leash on life! Life is AMAZING! And so are you!
Thank you all for being part of my soul family! I am so glad to be alive! I love you to life! Let's all continue to thrive together as one family! Where we go one, we go all!
~Kia