Dick learns you take a pic of me, I take a pic of you.

Dick learns: you take a pic of me, I take a pic of you.

For context, I'm built for comfort not speed, but I fit into a plane seat just fine.

The scene: a cheap airline flight in which you get exactly what you pay for. This was just last night.

The characters: Seat D (aisle), middle aged man, average in every way (I assume); Seat E, my chubby self; Seat F (window), pleasant larger guy who did use a bit of "my seat" (which was fine, this flight was under $100 and is not forever).

Seat D, who we'll call Dick for this story, became fidgety and started sighing loudly when we were delayed on the tarmac. No problem, Dick probably felt frustrated.

Then, he took a selfie that included the whole row. Eh Dick a bit weird, whatever. So I did look at his phone, he's sending this pic to ppl complaining about how fat myself and "Frank" were. Eh. Life must be hard for Dick.

Then I pulled out some hard candy (bc I'm fat, obvi, only fat ppl eat candy obvi). So he put his phone where I could see it, and typed "now the fat girl is getting her candy out". Ok Dick. Settle down. In the glance I got to see other texts describing how I was spilling into his seat. Incorrect but clearly life is hard for Dick.

So then I said, "you know, if you're unhappy with your seat, bc I'm too fat for you, you can ask a flight attendant to move you :)" (all smiles, for real).

Dick said nothing, did nothing, but the fidgets and sighs stopped. He kept texting but out of my sight.

Fast forward to the middle of the flight, Dick's snoozing, head flopped back, mouth open. So I took a picture of this gift to mankind. He slept until the last 20 min of the flight.

In the last 20 min, I edited the hell out of this photo, but in the pettiest way. No horns or anything. Just decorated the border with different flowers, then decided no, erased, did different deco. For 20 min. He's just watching but didn't say anything. So I tried some various captions, like "fat women scare me" "touching fat women makes me feel yucky inside" etc. I also verbally consulted with Frank about my choice of flower stickers.

Dick turns in his seat and faces the aisle. I didn't see his face again, ever, bc he stayed like that till he could get off and I had to get my coat from above. But I'll always have the memories.

Nice meeting you Dick.

ETA: I put the pic on my profile (mods please please let me delete this line, and not ban, if it's not allowed)

#reddit #pettyrevenge #tts