ADVICE FROM OUR EXPURRTS

Do I really need to talk to my cat about preparing for the collapse of civilization?
You may think you don’t need to teach your cat about the skills of doomsday preparation. After all, with their enhanced night vision, their superior balance, their natural stealthiness, and their cute little whiskers, what creature could possibly be better engineered to survive a catastrophe? But the unfortunate truth is that years of enjoying the spoils of city life, coupled with a growing dependence on technology have turned the cats of America soft—and not just their furry bellies! Many modern cats have all but forgotten the core techniques for survival that were once common knowledge among their species, leaving them ill-equipped for the hardships they’ll face following a global-scale disaster—from a scarcity of food and water to the difficulty of finding good boxes to sit in.
Teaching my cat these skills seems like a waste of time. Are we really in danger of witnessing the collapse of civilization?
Almost undoubtedly yes. History has reached a tipping point. Our great nation has been gravely weakened from eight years under the reign of an Islamo-socialist führer who seeks to poison us with chemtrails. The global financial system teeters on the brink of ruin, pushed to the edge by the greed of the Reptilian overlords of Europe. Meanwhile, the climate machines of the Illuminati, operating out of a massive underground complex beneath the Denver airport, have set our planet on a course toward irrevocable ruin. We at the AAP have sworn ourselves to fight, and we hold out hope that there are enough other true patriots out there that we might still beat back these forces of destruction. But we must also acknowledge that the end of civilization as we know it is quite possibly at hand. We face many hard years struggling against the dark. We humans may not be able to see in that darkness, but we have an ally who can, an ally well adapted to landing on their feet: our cats! If humanity is going to survive these twilight hours, we will need an army of cats at our side—yours included!—who are well purrpared to face any disaster.
ADVICE FROM OUR EXPURRTS