TwT Ep44:Some lessons are learned through tough love and embarrassment. For some this is motivation.

This was a very embarrassing day for me. My Professor Rick Hawn of PMA Plaistow NH. He asked me to help him demonstrate for the class the technic we were going to work that day. He asked me to react to his move and I went blank. No idea what he was asking of me. This was so embarrassing the whole class staring as this new purple belt sits there trying to do something I could not, while Rick keeps saying over and over, no that's not it. Then as we are having 5min matches, Rick sees me go from top to pulling guard and he tells me how I set myself back. This is not good and showed me that my comfortability in my jiu-jitsu game is hurting me. This was a tough lesson to learn. Sure I got down on myself and completely questioned if I deserved my rank. Then I realized that would not have given it to me if I did not deserve it. I have to show them that I learned the move and stay on top when I am there. This is how I deserve this rank and accomplishing this and showing Rick, that is how I earn my belt.
Even though the podcast has veered away from where it started. As I get further away from alcohol. I don't even think of it as of now. I am always aware of my addiction and keep it in check. This is something that I can not ignore. Where this podcast was about my addiction and dealing with it, right now I have issues and stuff going on in my life that is harder to deal with than my addiction.
Not everyone can learn a lesson or get motivation from getting told they have to fix themselves. I learn very well this way. I believe its because I was yelled at as a child and that is just what I respond to better. For others you cant do that it could rein the relationship or marriage. Even though it comes from a place or caring and love. They could pout up walls and become distant. They may just see it as nagging or controlling them. After a while it turns into belittling and attracting. So as I said this method is not for everyone, so if you doing this to someone and getting no were might be time to change gears.
I know I will never be able to drink again and I am now OK with that. If I was to ever fall off again. I will use all my tools to pick myself back up. As of right now though it is not even a thought. I really am looking forward to crossing that 5 yr mark in September. Plus I have to make it 10yrs so I can talk shit to everyone. Seriously though this podcast really helps me keep my head on straight and get alot of those negative thoughts out. I would have to say this is my strongest tool.

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