If I Had a Hammer (I'd Call Up Paul Pelosi)

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If I had a hammer I’d call up Paul Pelosi
we’d get hammered in the evening in gay ol’ San Fran
I’d hammer through the window even though he’d let me in (ya know)
I’d hammer out love between a patsy and Pelosi
to feed the media in idiocracy land
If I had a noose I’d use it like Juicy
I’d wear it in the city in the middle of the night
I’d blame it on the MAGAs
but fake it with some black guys
and how we thrive on dividing the blackies and the whiteys all to take over this land
if I wanted disorder in the USA I’d keep an open border send our money to Ukraine
I’d let out the criminals convince kids cut off your genitals
I’d blur the lines between your brothers and your sisters until there’s no more women or men
If I did a coup I’d use the US Capitol
I’d let folks go inside then I’d lock ‘em up for life
if anybody asks questions we’ll knock down their door arrest them
so we sold voter data to China too bad we’ll still confine ya
and malign ya as election deniers
if I were a lib I’d be bummed election morning 
I’d be bummed election evening ‘cause we’re losing this land
tho they’ve got it mostly rigged it ain’t enough ‘cause we’re too big
time to take these dirty cheats and hurl them to the streets lock ‘em in the dustbin of history
well I’ve got a song to sing and I’ll sing it in the morning
I’ll sing it in the evening all over this land
I’ll sing about justice I’ll sing about freedom
I’ll sing about love between my brothers and my sisters
all over this land
I’ll sing about justice I’ll sing about freedom
I’ll sing about love between my brothers and my sisters
all over this land