Why I'm Careful With The Word

Originally uploaded: May 20th, 2020

YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/_9RsdiKJneo

https://linktr.ee/aleshapeterson

This is a long a*** video. If you want to read instead, here's the recap.

1. Situations like this makes me not trust at all, less likely to let people in, and makes me want to put my big girl pants on and save myself (which I have done since.) It makes me not want to need people. Going forward I will be very careful with the word admire. I have a very different view of asking for help. I learned that everytime I'm vulnerable, it can be used against me so I don't rely on other people.

2. Being the only child growing up, I don't mind doing things on my own. Being an outsider is not a big deal to me. When life gets hard, it would be nice to hear that everything is gonna be ok quote from time to time. I don't expect no one to solve issues when they come up.

3. If we happen to like the same bars, charity fundraisers, and hobbies that means common interests. Because I donate money to charity, I get a lot of notices about events. I ran into someone I know going out, I would just hang out instead of accusing them of following me around, and most people have done the same in my LA, Indy and NYC circles. I'm happy to see the people I know when I go out. What would be wierd is calling someone 100s of times or breaking in their homes or workplaces. Or damaging personal property. Or threatening their lives. In that instance, it's time for a police call and a retraining order.

4. This artist turns pain into poetry. I was doing through friends passing away, no one to turn to and a major that didn't want me to be there. And a school that made it clear I didn't matter, and allowed an environment of racism to thrive. I did the best I could in the deck I was given. Didn't like the song Sarah? Or the film Alex? Tough. I didn't like friends passing away. We have something in common after all, and something we don't like, huh? I was never a jealous person and loved seeing you happy and successful. And still do (at a distance). I'm glad we are not in each others lives anymore. I have no interest in joining any sororities anymore, and glad we are not sorority sisters. It's like I dodged a bullet.

5. I've sent flowers to friends' workplaces to reconnect, say congratulations or do something nice for someone. I do like writing letters, especially after going on Catholic retreats. If this makes me a bad person, I'm guilty as charged. 4/15/2022 update: Dr. Phil says give the thing away that you need the most, but I think I will be more selfish and more careful who I give that love to. Not everyone is a friend. And lowkey I rather be by myself than be around the wrong people. Solitude and peace are great friends, and better than jealous people, backstabbing, gossip, and rumors.

6.I hope you're well, but I don't admire you anymore. I wish I never put you on the admire list. It sucks to admire someone and see someone as a hero and find out they are not the person you thought they were. If you didn't want to be friends, you could have said so, and I would have disappeared so quick. If I ever see you in public I'll keep my distance. However, none of you are gonna bully me or intimidate me. It's too bad it's gotten to that point where you give me wierd stares and you can't come talk to me about the beef. I'll throw you a peace sign and keep my distance if I see you anywhere.

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https://linktr.ee/aleshapeterson