Monogamous redditors: is infidelity an automatic break-up for you? why? #cheat #cheating #relations

monogamous redditors: is infidelity an automatic break-up for you? why?
My ex-wife and high school sweetheart cheated after 3 years of marriage. My thoughts were summed up best by Nietzsche: "I'm not upset that you lied to me. I'm upset that from now on, I can't believe you"
Yes, is a violation of trust, and shows lack of love and respect.
Yeah, the jealousy fades fairly quick but it's the breach of trust that gets to you. I was able to piece together a string of lies leading back months, finding out two different friend groups knew two different stories, etc. after that it's hard to even look at the person without seeing a sociopath.
Yes. Cheating isn’t an accident. It’s a choice. It takes effort. I’d never be able to trust my partner again even if I wanted to.
Yeah. It might take me a bit to really accept it, but I refuse to give my loyalty to someone who doesn't return it.
Yes. I've been cheated on, and the pain of the betrayal is the harshest I've ever felt. It's completely destroyed my ability to trust anyone.
Yes. It’s a massive violation of trust and complete destruction of the idea of mutual respect.
I let it happen twice. We broke up the second time. She begged me back after 4 months and 6 months later she’s being devious and shady. I’ll never be able to trust her. I wouldn’t let it happen again. It’s the worst feeling imaginable.
Yes. No one is going to leave my wife sexually unsatisfied but me.
Not just in monogamous relationships, but an openone where someone was lying and going behind my back as well. It's the flocking lying. And not keeping promises that pisses me off. If you're not going to do something, just say "No, I won't do the thing."
Yep. If you say you want monogamy, then you need to hold your end of the deal, if you wanna be open then say so. But you need to flockin pick one.
If I'm in a monogamous relationship and they sleep with someone else then they've broken our trust, besides however it hurt, I couldn't be with someone who can't keep a promise or my trust
Yes it's a deal breaker. Life is too short to settle for crusty musty cheaters.
Yes. Once the trust is broken it is never the same.
Lies and stds
maybe I’m naïve/ culturally-biased but I still am shocked when I hear about couples staying together and working through infidelity, even when more complicated aspects are involved like children/ shared assets.
Yes. It's less about the act itself, and more about what it reveals about their personality. The hurt of being betrayed by someone who you should be able to trust above all others can never heal in my opinion. It will always be a shadow on that relationship. You will always doubt. You'll always wonder. You'll always be second guessing. Once trust is broken on that level, you can never regain it.
Well, I thought so… but apparently not.
I'm non-monogamous and infidelity is an automatic breakup for me, too. It's not about the sex, it's about the lying and disrespect.
I'll ask my wife's boyfriend
yes. because if you wanna be single and have sex with other women… be single and have sex with other women. don’t hide it to “not hurt my feelings” or as a test to see what else is out there first. if you don’t want to be with me, then just break it off. ya dig?
As a counselor I've seen couples work through an affair and come out with a much deeper and more intimate relationship. It's not easy and it takes work on both parts. But it is beautiful when it happens.
I've always thought the answer to this would be yes. But now I'm in a happy, committed, great relationship, and I don't know. If he kissed some random girl when drunk? I'd be pissed, but would I throw away the whole relationship? I don't know. If he had a full on affair I don't think it would ever not be a deal breaker, but infidelity isn't a black and white topic.
Listen, it’s not about infidelity, it’s about dishonesty. Been in a few polyamorous relationships, and if you’re honest about what you’re doing, you’re good. That doesn’t mean you get to sleep around, because there *will* be people you’re not allowed to see. All of that freedom, but if you’re gonna lie about it, you’re done
Yes. Cheating isn't like finding a new job, where you phone it in at your current place while interviewing somewhere else. That's a human being you're hurting. And it's not just in the moment pain. Once that trust is shattered, they will question every relationship going forward.
*No. Thought it was, but it depends on the situation and the person.*
Yes. As someone who’s regrettably been the cheater before, it’s 100% a deal breaker. On top of the shame I felt and pain it causes, it also vaporizes any trust that may have existed. I can’t understand how anyone would give someone another chance after something like that.
Instant, permanent dealbreaker for me. No coming back from it, no matter what the circumstances were for it.