What are some sexual experiences for you that seemed a lot better 'on paper' before you did them?

Reddit, what are some sexual experiences for you that seemed a lot better 'on paper' before you did them? One for me would be having sex in the shower.
In the ocean, saltwater dries everything up and you're getting hit in the face with waves every few seconds
Beach sex. No matter how many towels you put down sand still manages to get everywhere. Sand hurts.
Fuckin whip cream man. It always looked like a great idea but it just makes you sticky and not the good sweaty sex sticky horrible sugar sticky. Plus you get sick of all that sugar fast, "babe I'm kinda full I'll lick your left titty later"
Also first time while 69ing with my ex she farted, I know there was no shit but nothing can prepare you for a bare-assed fart in the face.
Sex in a haystack. It's surprising how fast some straw poking your cock and balls can kill a boner.
Glow in the dark condoms. It's impossible to not pretend it's a lightsaber.
Using a cock-ring. Her idea, so the fact that she wanted me to have even more fun was appealing. In practice though, it was just kind of distracting.
Spit roasting a chick with a buddy. The next day we couldn't look each other in the eye. Our high five in the middle of it will resound forever as a reminder of our shared shame. The true horror of it is that he ended up marrying her.
Sex with her on a desk facing me. It's fine until your balls hit the desk. Couldn't really recover after that.
Hand job in the movie theatre, I couldn't enjoy the movie at all
Making a chewbacca sound in the middle of it. I laughed, he didn't.
Sex on a pool table, it's like having sex on concrete, with a single layer of felt on top
Car sex - I think it would work better in an old 1980 buick with the bench seats, but trying to stuff the love muffin in a 2005 sentra is a tight squeeze.
Sex in the pool - while it was fun and different, it was awkward and not nearly as satisfying as sex in bed.
Sex on the living room floor, hello carpet burn burn!
anal, the entrance is nice and tight but then comes huge chasm of space following after. it was like humping a bagel.
And by on paper, you mean on porn?
Cheating sex always seems like a good idea but, for those of us who have a heart, it just doesn't feel as good as we thought it would.
Bondage. I asked my partner at the time if he'd be willing to try it. Neither of us ever had before, so he tied me up. A few minutes into the experience, I looked up at him and said, "Is this working for you?" He said, "Not really." I said, "Me either. Untie me."
Having sex with a REALLY well endowed guy. Ouch.
Nutting on a girls face. Felt like a really good idea when she said yes because I was super horny. But then when I saw her sitting there with my jizz all over her face I just felt bad.
Shower sex is better when you think of it as a shower with sex, than as sex in the shower.
These threads make me sad.
Sex on the beach. Sand gets everywhere, it's apparently really easy to get an infection and sand just makes for a terrible surface in general to be on. Not to mention getting busted by a resort security officer the first and only time I tried it. 3/10 would not recommend
Sex on acid...
I have never been a fan of cumming on my girl, that's what prompted my username.
Sex is always good, but anal was nothing special.
Missionary position. Too hard to find a willing missionary.
Right now I'm focusing on having a sexual experience with someone besides myself
All of them. I have a paper fetish.
Sex on a waterbed. every-flocking-movement is chaos.
Filming ourselves. We did it, later it looked like 2 whales mating. We deleted the video and decided **never** to bring it up for discussion again. *{shudder}*
My boyfriend doesnt have much sex drive. We dont try anything interesting. This depresses me.
I'm sorry but these complaints are irrelevant.
Getting deuced on. Not as appealing as it sounds, folks.
69ing just never works like the movies.
Thought sex on LSD was going to be all electric and intimate... till I looked down and I was banging a reptilian alien creature.