‘Marry me disparity’ -#NermakMuzik spoken word ‘Rhythm And Poetry’ #RAP #DontJustØbey #Nermak #DTDJØ

The DaamnTalk #RecoveryDiscovery blog is for Us addicts with co-occurring disorders & diseases! *@ 30 y/o, *nearly 2 decades ‘missed’-diagnosed, *13 page ‘criminal’ history report, *8 inpatient rehabs & *over a dozen jails- *totaling over 3 years of confinement… RECOVERY IS STILL POSSIBLE!!!!! Last year, after experiencing a seemingly random & utterly insane mental collapse of psyche, diagnosed 1st with Schizo-E-disorder, a genetic mental-disability mimicking that of #Schizophrenia. The breakdown occurred just days after receiving an officer at Our door, with service of a potential restraining order against ‘me’ & Our (then) 7-month old son, (via his mother).
The situation deteriorated as on March 9th, 2021, We called 911 while pulling onto the side of a quiet, wooded road; underwent what felt like a heart attack after the onset of the most extreme panic-attack We’d ever had. After, (another), blackout, (the 2nd that night thus far), We ‘came to’ coasting 5mph on the wrong side of a similarly wooded, 2-lane road, with at least 3 cop cars & an ambulance surrounding Our ‘yota like they were Our own private escort service... ~{With a working ignition interlock in Our truck, We attempted to explain that We were in serious need of ‘physical/mental help.’} Mind you, We were rapidly digressing into ‘textbook’ paranoid delusion…
The officers heard Our request only after they ‘breathalyzer’d’ ‘Us’, field tested Us & then handcuffed Us into the back of an ambulance... (After passing their tests.) Our mental state during this ordeal was that of one without days & days of sleep or rest; We remember believing that the officers were attempting to perform an ‘exorcism’ on Us while at the hospital. Three large, male officers had Us pinned down onto a bed as the forth officer took out the biggest Daamn needle to take my blood. Struggling not only physically, We were mentally wrestling to comprehend what was unfolding & losing the battle! Having arrived in this scene after having bounced in & out of consciousness, resulting from calling 911 for help - While deep in disillusionment - Our last memory before waking up in a solitary cell - will literally haunt Us for the rest of Our days on Earth…..
**[It gets graphic ….. so we cut the post here]**
Ultimately charged with ‘driving under the influence’, the officers report reads, “…likely a meth-induced-psychosis...” Additionally, the county saw fit to hit Us with *Resisting arrest & *Assault on an officer, (a class C felony). After release on these charges maybe 3 days later, (no bail was set), We were so ‘mentally ill’ that We failed to comprehend the problem was with Our perception! ~{We recall convincing Ourself that we’d crossed over into a parallel plain, an alternate reality where everything was very similar, yet, eerily off. Having become homeless, the proceeding 3 months were spent wandering Washington State either on blood-blistering feet, hitchhiking with randos or via one of many county busses. ~{Utterly mind blowing to Us now; The story is seemingly one straight out of an #AlfredHitchcock horror!}
Finally, in mid June 2021, another arrest. This time the result of breaking into, ‘the Church of Jesus Christ’, (the voices were assuring the Church would provide Us with both water & a safe place to finally rest Our eyes.) The next morning, after being shot & subdued, (by a rubber bullet), while incarcerated in jail #3, Our family (finally) located Us & invoked a particular lifesaving law, one that required the jail to ‘do a 1077’ - ‘perform a mental health evaluation’. Diagnosed ‘Stress-Induced-Schizo-Effective’, they prescribed anti-psychotics & over a rough period of 10 days - We proceeded to come back to reality! This insane nightmare had finally taken a turn…
(But We were far from being out of the fryer…)
Thanks so much for reading! The support We’ve gotten has been truly incredible! For Us personally, apprehending Our disease was only possible once We were able to shed the stigma that We’d unintentionally stapled onto ‘mental-illness’. Believing all Our problems arose from Our disease of #addiction - viewing any perspective diagnosis (#bipolarawareness) as a weakness / - We are man! Brought up by the Schwarzenegger handbook!!) #Daamn if We didn’t have a lot to learn…
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-DaamnKam