De-Escalate Any Situation in Less Than 90 Seconds (Like a Pro) | Doug Noll

📕 Video chapters
0:00 Introduction
0:31 De-escalation is the ultimate skill & life hack
2:56 Be careful when choosing goals
5:48 Benefits of developing emotional understanding & skills
6:05 Emotionally supported kids are two grades smarter than their peers
6:22 Adults can prevent and diffuse any fights
6:33 Increases compassion and ability to read room
6:44 You won't be confused by the behavior of others
6:56 Massive social awareness boost
7:09 Provides the one thing your dates want more than anything
7:59 Affect labeling induces a transcendent state
9:36 Priceless, effortless, easy, free tool
10:14 The top affect labeling mistake
12:48 Meditation widens gap between trigger and reaction
13:19 Breathwork works to calm people but takes too long
14:38 The rationality lie, debunked by neuroscience
15:10 Humans are 98% emotional, 2% logical
15:37 The ONE idea that has caused the most harm to society
16:30 What is emotional invalidation?
17:00 Humans are not born with emotions
17:12 Science of developing emotion from nine basic affects
17:41 Danger of ignoring emotions
18:35 How to master emotions and what you'll gain
19:17 Connection to others is the fundamental human need
20:52 Shocking findings from the ACES study
23:12 The one link between all mass murderers
24:52 What happens in the brain during emotional abuse or invalidation
25:27 Repeated trauma stops development of emotional center of brain
26:52 The ultimate gift to kids which could make prisons disappear
27:58 Myth of "logical" data-driven personalities
29:39 Einstein relied heavily on emotion
30:12 Rules and codes of emotion
30:41 Doug Noll's 3 step process to de-escalate in 90 seconds or less
34:08 The neuroscience of emotional affect labeling
35:15 Nick tried affect labeling and failed
38:49 Affect labeling others makes you more self-aware
40:07 Is it really possible to ignore the words someone says and still understand them?
41:07 Affect labeling texts, emails, social media, and written communication
43:36 What other conflict resolution systems get wrong
48:08 Nine basic universal affects
49:32 Humans are the only animal with emotions
50:55 "Why can't I say yes" rather than saying no
52:55 Humans transmute energy into different forms to survive
55:13 Empathy vs sympathy vs compassion
55:40 Affective vs cognitive empathy
56:43 Practical example of affect labeling over email
59:10 Biggest communication myths

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📝 About our guest
Douglas E. Noll, JD, MA left a successful career as a trial lawyer to become a peacemaker. His calling is to serve humanity, and he executes his calling at many levels. He is an award-winning author, teacher, trainer, and a highly experienced mediator. Doug’s work carries him from international work to helping people resolve deep interpersonal and ideological conflicts to training life inmates to be peacemakers and mediators in maximum-security prisons. His website is https://dougnoll.com.

🔑 Key takeaways
- Emotional validation is one of the highest-impact skills to understand others, build social confidence, increase brainpower, and to connect with others on the deepest level
- "I never came up with one of my ideas or theorems through logic" - Einstein
- Most people have never experienced emotional safety
- Doug's emotional mastery process is simple and you can start getting results today

🔗 Links
- Full episode show notes: https://mindbodypeak.com/59
- Music by Luke Hall: soundcloud.com/c_luke_hall

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- Subscribe: https://mindbodypeak.com/subscribe
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