20 Best Funny DAD Jokes #35

#dadjokes #jokes #funny

1. I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude.
Always walkin around like they rent the place.

2. How do you turn a bee into an atheist?
You smack the beejesus out of them.

3. I lost 3 fingers on my right hand, so I asked my doctor if I would still be able to write with it.
She said "maybe but I wouldn't count on it".

4. I applied for a job hanging mirrors.
It's something I can see myself doing.

5.I’m really excited for the amateur autopsy club I just joined.
Wednesday is open Mike night.

6. You shouldn't make fun of fat people.
They've got enough on their plates already..

7. If wanting to be alone makes you an introvert, and wanting to be with people makes you an extrovert,
wanting to be with cats must make you a purrvert.

8. I’ve just finished writing a book on snakes.
It would have been much easier if I’d just written in on paper.

9. I told my wife she needs to start embracing her mistakes.
So she hugged me.

10. Why did the Cyclops have to shut down his school?
He only had one pupil.

11. When my daughter was born, the nurse brought in a heated blanket.
I asked if it was womb temperature.

12. What’s a pirates favorite letter?
You would think that it’s R, but his first love will always be the C.

13. The Swordfish has no natural predators to fear from....
Except the Penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.

14. My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list.
Now I can't read anything.

15. What did the dentist name his boat?
The Tooth Ferry.

16. Someone told me that half of all car accidents happen within one mile of your house…
So I moved.

17. I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!

18. What do you call a werewolf in plain sight?
A Therewolf.

19. What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.

20. Why did the farmer withdraw from the cow jumping competition?
He strained his calf.